In Between the Legends
by wavelightning
Summary: The moments in the life of Obi-Wan Kenobi that make him more than the sum of his deeds. A series of one-shots ranging from Jedi Apprentice to A New Hope.
1. A Later Trust

The realization hits Qui-gon out of the blue. One minute he's describing the intricacies of the Scillian political hierarchy, turning to his apprentice to make sure he registers the importance of the tertiary senatorial aide in regards to foreign policy, and he knows.

Obi-wan is not, and never will be, Xanatos DuCrion.

And as surely as he knows this, as happy as he is that this is true and his padawan will never turn from the light, will never willingly betray him, he knows with a similar gut-wrenching certainty that he has hurt this boy, time and again, with the callous conviction that he would.


	2. Funny

_"How do you think this trade viceroy will deal with the chancellor's demands?"_

_"These federation types of cowards; the negotiations will be short."_

Ha. It is Obi-wan's horrible sense of humor that allows him to laugh as he stands on a pile of corpses and droid parts. The hems of his robes are splattered with blood and oil and his worn leather boots are smeared with entrails belonging to at least three different sentient races. One of those races is probably Nemoidian, he reflects. He is, after all, standing almost wholly in what looks to be the abdominal cavity of one.

He thinks back to the jedi he once was, scrupulously correct, standing at his master's side, and wonders how it has come to this. How he has changed? How is it that he can stand here, in the center of this horrifying field of battle, and feel nothing but a vague concern about whether or not he needs to sure up the lines of his left supporting flank before the fighting starts up again?

A blast from a mounted laser cannon flies overhead and impacts against an abandoned building some of the clones have been using for cover.

Breaks over; time to focus on the moment.

_"Be mindful of the living force padawan."_

He keeps laughing even though nothing much is funny anymore.


	3. Test

Obi-wan looks down at the credits in his hand, confused and uncertain.

"Is this a test?"

Qui-gon huffs with barely concealed mirth; as if he expected this reaction but still can't believe he has to explain this to his normally very astute apprentice.

"It's an _allowance_ padawan. It's yours to do with as you like."

Obi-wan looks from his master to the money, nods once to himself, and tucks it into the folds of his tunic.

From then on Qui-gon gives him a small stipend at the beginning of every month and Obi-wan just as faithfully deposits the amount in the coffers of a nearby Coresanti orphanage. His Master doesn't discover this until three years later when one of the orphanage's caretakers send a holo thanking him for his unerring generosity. Qui-gon figures he should have known; his apprentice is nothing if not selfless.

He tells his padawan that he is proud of him.

The padawan is again politely confused. Compassion for the orphans was only a secondary motivation.

Possession, in any form, is a weakness he will not suffer.


	4. Faithful

"Have you ever stared into the eyes of a religious fanatic?"

Qui-gon thinks of his padawan when he talks about the will of the force. The boy's eyes light up with the burning blue flame of unconditional faith and dedication. Even though, as a jedi, he himself has vowed to be an unwavering servant of the Force, the reverent clarity with which Obi-wan speaks of duty and sacrifice often frightens him.

There is an absolute quality of the boy's connection that can be likened to a black hole; all things are nothing before the Force and its will.

He turns to the questioner and without hesitation, answers "Yes."


	5. Love

You can not know another sentient being so well and not love them. It is a well acknowledged fact.

Masters love their padawans, padawans love their masters. Crechemates love their crechemates. Everyone loves their friends. Contrary to popular opinion, love among the jedi is not forbidden.

The reason is this:

From very early on, every one of them are taught to put the will of the Force before all else. There is no danger of conflict when both parties agree that the Force is more important than either of their lives.

Only it doesn't always work.

Some jedi forget themselves in their emotions. Grief, jealousy, rage, fear, possession; jedi who know love must inevitably know the other.

Qui-gon knows them better than most because, while he loved Tahl with all the simple dedication life in the jedi order accords, he has recently realized that he is actively _in_ love with his apprentice, Obi-wan Kenobi.

Love like this has occurred within the ranks many times before but, unlike the other kind, it is discouraged.

The reason is this:

Qui-gon knows one of them will die in this battle. He does not consult the Force to see who _should_ die, but instead decides.

He has lived the last several years of his life hiding his secret, letting it ripple beneath the surface of his mind and coil around his heart. He has remained silent, he has refused to act (to touch, to kiss, to _take_) but this – this is beyond his power to give.

To him, Obi-wan's life is more important that the Force.

He rushes ahead, he does not wait; he lies on the cold metal floor as his beloved padawan fights and defeats the first known Sith in over a thousand years.

Cradled in his apprentice's strong embrace, he is shocked to see tears. Obi-wan never cries. He fills the silence with entreaties to train the boy, now deliberately swallowing the words he has waited to say for so long. He refuses to compound the sadness of his companion.

_ILoveYouILoveYouILoveYouILoveYou_

His eyes close, his heart stops, his mind echoes with the words he will not say.


	6. Trap

This is the lie he tells himself: Obi-wan wouldn't understand.

The truth is more complex.

He knows that they are more than Kenobi and Skywalker, Obi-wan and Anakin, TheTeam (capital letters and all). He knows that they are much more than (ex) padawan and (former) master. And he knows, deep in his heart of hearts, where not even Sideous in the guise of Palpatine has been able to pry, that upon confessing his overpowering and highly inappropriate attachment (and subsequent marriage) to Senator Padme Amidala, Obi-wan will first take a deep breath, then proceed to choke almost comically on thin air when the delayed reaction of shock and incredulity hits him. But by the time he exhales, most likely only made possible with several hard thumps on the back courtesy of Anakin, all will be forgiven.

He probably wouldn't even tell the council if Anakin asked him not to.

Sometimes it seems like Obi-wan has spent the entirety of his adult life running interference for him against the far too judgmental and persistently suspicious body of Masters. And he knows that despite the respect (and deference and outright awe) that others increasingly afford him, his Master suffered dearly for his unwavering support of Anakin, especially during the early years of his apprenticeship.

It is because of this that he decides to solve his problem on his own.

He is a knight now. He was the one who gave into his attachments; who rushed into marriage on the eve of a galactic war. He does not need to burden Obi-wan with his mistakes. He will find a way to make this right. So he faces his problem alone; trapped between a pregnant lady and a hard place.

The _real_ problem is that he is alone. So he does not see the _true_ trap until it is far too late.


	7. Mysterious Ways

As an agri-corps worker he would have been taught how to determine what was wrong with a particular plant, what it would require to be healthy.

As an apprentice to an exceptionally powerful master of the living Force he had learned how to commune on a deeper level; to know not only what it required but what it needed to grow, to thrive, even in adversity.

As a jedi Master he learned how to see the plant, both as an individual organism and in the context of the greater whole.

As a general in the grand army of the republic, he learned how to tell which ones were edible.

Obi-wan planted his feet solidly on the smooth stone of a rocky outcropping. Palms up and eyes closed, he opened himself up to the infinite ocean of power that was the Force, letting it cascade through him in an unending waterfall of light.

He lifts his hands slowly towards the harsh twin suns of Tatooine and, as if pulled into existence by the strength of his will alone, a tree sprouts from the bedrock in the middle of a barren, lifeless desert.

It occurs to him, distantly, that Darth Plagueis once claimed to have this power (though he is not sure who Darth Plagueis actually _is_; knowledge from the Force tends to be non-specific). But that doesn't really matter since, like what most of the things the Sith can do, it was a pale imitation of the real thing. And anyway, the sith's apprentice (Palpatine or Sideous or whatever he's calling himself now) killed him before he passed on the secret.

Obi-wan looks up at the tree. Bright green leaves dance and sway in the wake of the warm mid-afternoon breeze. He wonders, in the idle sort of way that a smart man with way too much time on his hands is prone to do, exactly who he is now.

He escaped the agri-corps by the skin of his teeth. He has long since accepted the death of his beloved Master and, more recently, the destruction of the jedi (though he will carry the weight of it to the end of his days). He is no longer a failed initiate, nor padawan, nor Master and Councilmember of the Jedi Order. He is not even a general, now that the Republic has been disbanded (and he is now, technically, a high priority fugitive from the central governing body of the galaxy_)_.

He is beyond these things. It is as if all the lessons and sacrifices and hardships he has endured were stepping stones of understanding to a path that lead him here.

The rustle of the leaves above him whispers _yes_.

He stands an old hermit beneath a tree growing in the harshest of deserts and wryly thinks _well, the will of the Force is nothing if not mysterious._


	8. Rescued

Some two years into the clone wars, Obi-wan goes missing during a rather violent surprise attack and is declared dead despite the ranting of his (clearly unbalanced and heavily grieving) padawan.

Anakin, for his part, is so totally out of his mind with worry and outright fear for the fate of his Master (_Is dead? Is he alive? Why can't I feel him in the force? Surely if he died I would know . . ._) that he hardly remembers the following months, save for his stubborn entreaties to anyone and everyone to just let him go, let him _look_, and he'll find him –

In the end it is a mere matter of coincidence. Obi-wan – starved, beaten, and tortured beyond any reasonable point of sanity – has somehow (Force only knows) rescued himself and his fellow prisoner, clone trooper #A345-17 (whom he affectionately calls Alpha).

Despite the fact that he has spent upwards of seventy days at the mercy of a particularly vicious sith acolyte who, on top of everything else, has a very personal dislike for him, Obi-wan has come away from the encounter with nothing more than a disheveled appearance, a decreased muscle mass, and enough injuries and extenuating medical problems to keep him in the healing ward for a solid month.

Anakin has spent so much of his time, so many of his nightmares, envisioning the empty, soulless eyes that marked the torture victims set into the face of his Master, that he is, by turns, almost reverent with thankfulness that his worst fears were never realized and apoplectic with joy that both their ordeals are finally over with and he can have his Master back.

Of course, _of course,_ Obi-wan wouldn't give up; wouldn't stop fighting for a way out – a way back. He _was_ part of The Team, after all.

Anakin laughs through his tears, hugging Obi-wan close, deaf to man's obligatory protest about PDA in front of impressionable clones.


	9. Perhaps

His new padawan is driving him crazy, and if it weren't for the promise he made to his recently deceased Master, he'd be tempted to do something permanent about it.

He's not sure if it's the age or the boy's personality (or some unholy combination of the two) but Anakin Skywalker can not seem to remain still (or _quiet_) for a single moment. In a perverse way, he is glad that they probably won't be cleared for missions for a couple of years - if this keeps up, the boy is going to get them both killed; a friendly fire accident just begging to happen. Half the time he's in some hapless stranger's face, asking questions a mile a minute, and the other half he's bouncing back and forth like a sugar-high youngling on his first field trip.

"There's a -" Anakin exclaims, then and hares off around the corner before sling-shotting back, bearing fragments of the conversation with him. " – ancillary servos," he finishes, apropos of nothing. He meets Obi-wan's politely confused gaze. "Master, the . . . thing; it's in the - " and then he is gone again.

The trick is listening with half an ear. Anakin mostly just talks to clarify his own thought process, which Obi-wan has found both devastatingly direct and impossibly convoluted in it's logic.

His padawan will certainly never be an ambassador and, after the spectacular disaster that was last week's lecture on political theory, he is hesitant to even allow him anywhere near a bona-fide politician. But, in spite of this relatively small failing and his extraordinary talent for getting on everyone's nerves, Obi-wan has come to believe that Anakin Skywalker has to potential to one day be a great jedi - perhaps even the best.

Then his thoughts are interrupted by the clatter of falling droid parts proceeded by the heavy thump, clank, and smash of something undoubtedly valuable (and apparently fragile) shattering into a thousand smithereens.

_Hmm. Make that an exceedingly large perhaps._

He's back. "- like sticky buns," he finishes sheepishly.


	10. Reading

"Are you telling me this you read the _entire_ brief?" Qui-gon asks his padawan, unsure if he should be amused or disturbed.

Obi-wan looks up from his place at the navcomp. "You told me to familiarize myself with the material, just like you always do. Of course I read it."

"Yes, but. . ."

"Is there something I missed?"

Qui-gon flounders; he is at a complete loss of words. Planetary info packets are often hundreds (even thousands) of pages long and cover everything – from local celebrities to a history of major exports. Often, 96% of it consists of non-essentials and useless trivia. He is the _lead_ on their missions and even he just bothers with the sociopolitical run-down.

Force, no wonder his padawan always sounds like a he swallowed a dictionary.

He looks back down at Obi-wan, so painfully earnest in his efforts to be a good apprentice, and replies, "No. Good work Obi-wan."

The boy's answering smile nearly splits his face in two.


	11. Penance

Obi-wan and Anakin hung outside the windows of the high council chambers. Thankfully the council was not currently in session; it was embarrassing enough serving out their punishment by scrubbing each of the massive windows clean, but to be given only their toothbrushes . . .

"Do you even remember what we did to earn it this time?"

"Not a clue Master."


	12. Hotwire

"Master?" (curious)

"Yes my dear apprentice?" (annoyed)

"Need some help there?" (concerned)

"You just keep lookout. I am perfectly capable of hotwiring a speederbike without the help of interfering young padawans." (even more annoyed)

Sigh. "Yes Master." (resigned)

sssPHZZZZZT! (accompanied by the smell of burning flesh)

"Son of a Bitch!"


	13. Deceptive

Mace Windu has never really been sure what to make of Obi-wan Kenobi.

The boy came to them by way of the ice moon of Kaitan, cold enough that it's yearly climate was comparable to Hoth. Just as well; his parents were both acrinian miners and that kind of environment is no place for a child. His time as an initiate was also relatively unremarkable; the boy was undoubtedly smart but also had his fair share of problems – something about prank hacking.

From the beginning, Yoda seemed oddly fascinated with young Obi-wan. When pressed, he admitted that he saw that Kenobi had an important role to play in the events of the future but, try as he might, Master Windu could see no talent, no special quality, that would set the boy apart from any of the other thousands of jedi housed within the order. He did not have the serene discipline of a philosopher, nor the undiluted brilliance of a true scholar; he was not possessed the natural logic of a born ambassador or even the penumbral ferocity of a warrior for the light. He continued to struggle with emotions and ethics throughout the course of his apprenticeship, remaining persistently in the shadow of his maverick Master.

It is not until Kenobi contacts the council to report the death of his Master and the defeat of Darth Maul (_a Sith, by Force!_) that he begins to understand just how wrong he has been.

Almost a decade later and Obi-wan Kenobi surpassed all expectations.

There is no sign of serene discipline; if anything the man seems almost constantly bemused. The natural logic is also absent – he teaches and persuades his students with the gentle wisdom of humor and empathy. He relies more on common sense than undiluted brilliance to solve his problems and anyone caught trying to describe the approachable master with the word 'ferocious' would be laughed out of the temple.

And yet, here he exists: a brilliant scholar an philosopher, his grasp of tactics almost prodigal. Known across the galaxy as 'the Negotiator' he has done things that would have been impossible for any other ambassador, has brought peace to dozens of systems without a single drop of bloodshed. And his prowess as a warrior has become equally legendary; born in wake of that fateful mission to Naboo it has only grown, doubled and tripled, with every fight, every mission, every impossible triumph of The Team and the highly trained (and decorated) armies that they command.

Obi-wan Kenobi is no longer mistaken for an average jedi. What confuses Master Windu to no end is that he knows, he _knows_, that for all his observations, analysis, and his unique talent with shatter points, he still missing a piece of the puzzle. He is frustrated by this failure – sitting through dozens of council trying to see underneath the underneath, to gaze into the deep waters of his fellow councilmember's existence within the Force.

Three years into the clone wars and he has given up trying to understand and resolved himself to the fact that he will never know what makes Kenobi tick.

For his part, Obi-wan is wholly unaware of Master Windu's confusion and is just glad that Mace has stopped staring at him all the time.


	14. Change of Clothes

Anakin felt a warning within the Force before his Master entered the refectory, so he was somewhat prepared for the sight that greeted him.

Master Obi-wan had just recently been assigned a short term infiltration assignment on the rim world of Anarka. He was due to ship out sometime later this afternoon and was dressed for the occasion.

He wore a fitted black shirt, high laced metal-toed boots, and a pair of leather pants that might as well have been sown on. He had also been forced to shave his beard and trim his hair in short spikes, taking years off his apparent age. Female jedi (and a few males a well) were suddenly sitting up, taking notice, and understanding exactly why the famous 'Kenobi the Sithkiller' was known as 'ladykiller' once upon a time.

Obi-wan, either oblivious to or simply ignoring the sudden attention, grabbed a tray and sat himself down across from his padawan.

"That's a new look for you."

"You think this is bad? Master K'Noac wanted to give me a tongue ring; I managed to talk him down to a stud for my ear."

Anakin examined the small metal ball thoughtfully.

"Tasteful."


	15. Eavesdrop

The temple gardens were beautiful in the evening; a much appreciated source of tranquility. After six months of back to back missions on the outer rim the serenity was a balm to their weary souls. Obi-wan would have been perfectly content to sit there, meditating in the high grass, until the sun came up. It was wonderful, but for the presence of two rather obnoxious guests.

"I heard that he cracked under the pressure. All those missions on the outer rim; he probably took one too many stun grenades to the head."

"Well _I_ heard that he's never been quite right after his second apprentice, whats-his-name, fell to the darkside. What kind of Master can't even tell when his padawan is corrupted?"

"Blind old man. Probably couldn't see the truth if it hit him in the face. Why the council keeps giving him all the best field missions is anyone's guess."

His meditation now thoroughly disturbed, Obi-wan frowned. What right did these idiotic jedi (junior level padawans by the sound of it) have to judge his master?

He was about to make his opinions known when he felt the quelling hand of his Master's mental touch.

He seemed . . . amused?

"Legendary Qui-gon Jinn indeed. He may have been someone worth knowing in his prime, but I doubt he'd last a minute in a firefight. Bet he'd have a heart attack once the shooting started."

Now Obi-wan was just depressed. These two called themselves jedi? It was ridiculous how far the standards had fallen.

"Hey; I've got an idea. Let's give him a scare"

Obi-wan stifled a rude snort.

"Yeah. We could jump out and wave our lightsabers; knock a few years off the old man's life. What do you think?"

Oh, this is ridiculous. _Alright_ _Master_ he thought, careful to project a bit of irritation in his mental voice, _You've had your fun. _

He received an acknowledgment in turn and, just as the two morons prepared to spring out from behind a nearby bush, 'The Legendary Qui-gon Jinn' spoke up in his most authoritative, 'I-am-a-jedi-Master' tone voice.

"_I _think that attempting to ambush a Jedi Master and a senior apprentice, who have spent the better half of the last six months living in the galaxy's most torrid war zones, would perhaps win the award for most creative suicide of the year. But who knows –you might be quick enough to escape with only a relatively minor case of dismemberment. I am, after all, so very old and blind."

Veterans of dozens of planetary negotiations, both Qui-gon and Obi-wan were well schooled at keeping their faces straight. But even their considerable expirience wasn't enough; they collapsed on each other in near hysterical laughter approximately three seconds after the interlopers beat an extremely hasty retreat.

"I still got it," Qui-gon grinned through tears of mirth.


	16. Names

It is telling that she doesn't call him Anakin.

Master Skywalker, yes, and Sky-guy when she's scared or uncertain about her place by his side, covering up her nervousness with friendly joking; much in the same way she has seen Master Kenobi tease his former padawan. But she is temple raised, and it shows. She treats her new Master like an equation, testing each variable personality trait against Anakin's approval.

It's not really her fault. Despite her tendency towards passion and her flair for the dramatic, she was raised in the sheltered halls of the jedi temple. She has been trained to be calm and objective; she has been taught that all problems have solutions.

Anakin, of course, knows better. So does Master Kenobi. Obi-wan is, while often hopeful about the future, is as much as a realist as his former apprentice. It is just one more thing that has made them unique within the jedi order.

Asohka Tano, for all her self-possession, cannot see the world around her as her Master sees it. And what's more, there is no way for her to bridge this gap in understanding. This is why she will keep adjusting her behavior, shifting from obedient to rebellious, to receive a small smile at her antics. This is why she will continue to hang out with the clones and quip witty one-liners in imitation of his barbed jokes. This is why she will not know anything beyond the superficial; nothing about her Master's past or present, dreams or desires.

This is why Anakin will remain Master Skywalker and, occasionally, Sky-guy.


	17. A Short Conversation

Transcript of the conversation between Fleet Admiral Rostof Yularin and High General Obi-wan Kenobi

1591-1253-97-0010034

//:

:: THIS IS OBI-WAN KENOBI HAILING REPUBLIC CRUISER VIGILANCE, COME IN VIGILANCE

:: . . . [intercept traffic conformation] THIS IS VIGILANCE RESPONDING; YULARIN AT CON. WHAT IS YOUR STATUS GENERAL?

:: WELL, DOOKU IS DEAD AND WE RESCUED THE CHANCELLOR BUT GREVIOUS HAS ESCAPED AGAIN SO . . . IT LOOKS LIKE WE CAPTURED THE SHIP.

[ion interference]

. . . I REPEAT, HOLD FIRE.

:: [background pickup; orders to stand down] . . . WELL DONE SIR, IF I MAY SAY SO MYSELF.

:: WHY THANK YOU ADMIRAL; BUT REALLY, IT WAS MOSTLY ANAKIN.

:: YES SIR. [signal static] . . . –READY TO RECEIVE THE CHANCELLOR.

:: UM . . . YES. ABOUT THAT. YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED THAT ALL ESCAPE PODS HAVE BEEN LAUNCHED?

:: YES SIR. . .

:: AND THAT THE PORT AND STARBOARD LANDING BAYS HAVE BEEN BLOWN APART BY REPUBLIC ASSAULT?

:: WE CAN DEPLOY RESCUE CREWS. . .

:: AND THAT ALL ENGINES HAVE FAILED THE ENTIRE SHIP IS, EVEN NOW, BEING INEXORABLY SUCKED INTO THE TIGHT END OF CORESCANT'S GRAVITY WELL?

[significant pause]

IT LOOKS LIKE WE'LL BE BRINGING THIS ONE IN FOR A LANDING.

:: . . . LANDING?

:: MORE LIKE HEAVY COLLISON. OR CRASH, IF YOU PREFER.

:: . . . I'LL NOTIFY AIR TRAFFIC AND SIGNAL THE FIRE SHIPS . . .

:: MUCH APPRECIATED. I HAVE TO GO NOW, WE JUST LOST ENTIRE THE AFT SECTION.

:: . . . may the force be with you.

[atmospheric interference]

//: end transmission.


	18. Defective

It was a lifetime in a moment; a liquid surge in his soul as that –that _vile machine_ ripped everything that he ever was away from him. His mind flooded with terror, he couldn't think, couldn't breathe, could only fucking scream with the voice of someone who was so beyond fear –

_NoNoPleaseNoMaster-PleaseNoNoNoNoNO!_

He could transfer his memories, the sum of his experiences, into the stone that Qui-gon had given him. He was strong enough to do that. But no jedi, even one as powerful and strong in the light (not to mention inherently stubborn) as Obi-wan, has ever successfully countered a mindwipe.

Back on Coruscant, safe in the jedi temple, they make their report. The council applauds the padawan's quick thinking and resourcefulness even as his master, the celebrated Master Qui-gon Jinn, basks in his pride over his young apprentice's accomplishment.

Obi-wan remains silent and humble, _knowing_ that he was not quiteas successful as everyone seems to think he was but still unsure as to _how_. Oddly, this lack of understanding does not bother him; especially strange given his well documented problems reigning in his temper. The fact of the matter is that he doesn't really seem to feel _any _emotion now, beyond this current, polite confusion and a mild form of frustration (that he felt when he discovered that his Master had used up all the hot water when he tried to use the fresher on the way home). And of course he is concerned about this wholly bizarre lack of true emotion but if there any words to describe this new emptiness inside of him, to explain why, exactly, everything is _not _alright, he has forgotten them.

Qui-gon is so consumed with his pride, with his happiness that Obi-wan was not turned into some lifeless zombie (like so many legion of criminals and political dissidents on that Force forsaken planet), that he does not realize how particularly _adept _the boy has become in the matter of emotional control.

Obi-wan Kenobi will never be arrogant or proud, the fatal flaw so many of his fellow jedi failed to recognize within themselves. He feels, forever, that he is less than the sum of his parts; a defective human with a patchwork soul. So it is ironic that this imperfection, this humble certainty of his basic unimportance in the face of others (and the Force), is the foundation of his wisdom as one of the greatest Jedi Masters the Order has ever produced.


	19. Mastery

The wind howls once more, kicking up swirling clouds of volcanic ash from the platform. The jedi stands on the far side, his form obscured by the drifting smoke. His legs disappear, then his chest, then his face. The dark haze continues to surround him until even the bright blue glow of his idling lightsaber is snuffed out.

The world darkens, becomes silent. The focus of the universe narrows to the angry buzz of a sith's blade.

_Breathe in._

_Breathe out._

The jedi master bursts from the black cloud like a monster from the shadows. But this is no monster; this is something much more terrifying.

From a very young age jedi are taught to listen to the Force, to feel the Force, to obey the Force. They spend years mastering their own minds, bodies, and souls. They dedicate their entire lives to becoming more perfect vessels for its Will. And as a wise man might tell you, a man who bent and struggled and suffered for this Will since the age of thirteen, the Force is not a merciful mistress.

Oftentimes, it can be downright cruel.

For example, a boy can spend his entire childhood striving to prove himself worthy to a master too pig-headed to acknowledge his student's worth, be thrown aside for a younger model then, through a curious set of circumstances resulting in the death of said master, be saddled with the bitter young brat for the next decade. Far more cruel, the man could grow to love the boy like a son (brother, and best friend), only for the boy to betray him and everything he stands for in the most horrifying way possible. He can be forced to watch as what little he was allowed to love comes crashing down around his ears; murdered and memory desecrated by those he has spent his life trying to help.

It takes a very different kind of man to remain a jedi after such a betrayal.

Obi-Wan Kenobi is not angry.

He is not even sad.

He is calm.

He is collected.

He is within the Force.

And the Force is certainly within him.

From his mind pours not a fountain, but a waterfall (a river, and ocean) of light into each limb, every cell, of his body. The movement of his legs, his arms, his hands, and his lightsaber are still a part of this, but only a very small part. The impossibly fast thrust of his attack is a mere afterthought, a simple step forward from here into the next moment.

The sith blocks the strike, barely, and counters with a move of his own. They trade blows, dancing around each other like leaves caught in a whirlwind. Jedi and sith, familiar as family, as close as the friends they once were.

They continue, fighting ten, twelve, thirteen moves ahead of their actions, reading their futures through the Force and opponent through their eyes. Only one of them knows is that the outcome is already decided.

Anakin Skywalker still has a lesson to learn, and it is this:

Mastery.

Mastery or, in other terms, the complete surrendering of self is the reason Obi-Wan has come to stand here, alive, calmly trading blows even as every single other member of the jedi order has collapsed in on themselves like a dying star. Why he still stands, even as he feels Yoda's power crumbling under Darth Sideous' attacks.

Why he will stand, a few minutes from now, on the crumbling banks of a volcanic shore, watching as the only brother he has ever known bursts into crimson flames below.


	20. Reunion

Anakin is, for lack of a better word, gobsmacked.

His mother, who he hasn't seen for five years, is standing before him. She is dressed in rich brown cloth, tears in her eyes and smiles splitting her face.

". . . mom?"

"Well, will you look at that!" Obi-Wan exclaims in exaggerated surprise, eyebrows hiking up to his hairline. "Of all the luck, meeting your mother here, on this completely random planet, in this very market. What a happy accident!" he carefully annunciates, loudly enough to gather several odd looks from neighboring shoppers. He then throws out his arm, pointing his arm dramatically towards a nearby advertisement. "Oh look! A scenic tour of the Bengazi forest! I think I will take their two week tour and meditate on . . . life. Alone. I will see you at the launch platform when it is time to depart!" and with that, Bendu Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, horrible actor and sneaky-bastard extraordinaire is off.

Shimi Skywalker watches as he disappears into the crowd with a polite frown of confusion. Anakin is still in shock. After a moment of contemplation, she turns back to her son.

"Hello Anakin."

Mother and son spend the next hour wrapped in a hug in the middle of the marketplace and the rest of the 'jedi spiritual retreat' catching each other up on their respective lives.

Shimi finds herself saddened about the death of Qui-gon, but also cannot deny that small bit of selfish happiness that the thoughtful young master Kenobi is raising (and guarding, and teaching, and protecting) her son rather the single-minded master Jinn. Admittedly, she has had limited contact with him. But it is obvious (in Anakin's stories and tone of voice) that they genuinely care about each other; none of this 'there is no emotion' nonsense.

If someone else absolutely _had_ to raise her child, she is glad it was him.

Even if he is a little weird.


	21. After the Fact

"I don't understand," the hermit says to the ghost in the desert. "How could you not see how destructive your love had become?"

The spirit does not shed any tears, but perhaps that is because she has already cried an ocean of them for her friends, her children, the countless masses that have suffered for her foolish naiveté. There aren't any left for either her husband or herself.

"Friend; I will tell you a story of a wife who once loved her husband. That they were both young, they were both passionate, and though they loved each other well, they were selfish of their own happiness." The force ghost looks into the distance, then continues, "They do not know how to live together, how to both give and take. They hurt each other, in both anger and ignorance, until even the love they once shared becomes something dark and suffocating."

She who was once Padme Amidala Skywalker looks back towards the old jedi master.

"They cannot see what they have become; they just continue together as they always have. They continue to destroy themselves. And they whisper to each other in the dead of night: _I am sorry. I do not mean it; I just love you far too much._"


End file.
